“Your daughter is so beautiful! When are you having another?”
“Oh, you just turned 27? Better start having the rest of your children now before you’re 30 and too old.”
“You really should give her a friend to play with.”
Personally, I’m not willing to give into the secret society of parents who set the standards and rules for when I should be expanding my family. I am an exceptionally emotional and passionate person. I have always felt everything strongly- love, happiness, sadness, hurt. I’m still full of amazement that Arelis Mercedeslee Troncoso is my daughter and that her and God deemed me worthy enough to love her and teach her love, too. So, until I’ve actually experienced this human being in all her great forms, where a pinch is not needed to assure me I’m not dreaming of this blessing I have, I will not be having other children. Despite the pressures I’ve seemed to encounter every day since my daughter was three-weeks old.
I’m not through loving my baby with all I got. She is my first, and factoring in my experiences with women and mothers in my life, I want to feel everything strongly as a new mom, and in the now with my daughter. I don’t want to miss a cut, a tear, a laugh, a milestone because I was preoccupied elsewhere. That’s not to say it’s not possible and having children back to back is “wrong”! Hats off and kudos to the mommies who choose that route. It’s our prerogative as mothers to decide when and how to expand our families. There is NO one, right way to be a mother. Regardless of what society, your tias, abuelos, co-workers, or even your single-no-kids-having- friends say.
Mothers and families do it all the time. “Pop them out,” “Get it done with,” are reasons that we hear too often from strangers- “Better to do it all at once instead of reliving the craziness.” That’s ALL great, and God willing, if I get pregnant again in the future, I too would want to have my third child within a few years of having my second. I am not opposed to this thought; I just don’t find it suiting my life right now. Being selfish, at this moment, is my right. I am beyond in love with my lil’ mama, and I’m giddy to witness her grow up.
That’s the gag. I want to relive the craziness and the memories with every baby. It’s not something I just want to get done with all at once – it’s something I’d like to fully familiarize myself with repeatedly, like riding my favorite rollercoaster at an amusement park. You don’t go on Nitro three times in one day then never go back! I could imagine riding Nitro at different stages of my life and recalling special memories because of it.
Not having a mother present growing up or many women in my life that I genuinely admired and respected – I always believed, deep down, one of my callings would be, to be a phenomenal mommy and role model to children I would love boundlessly. For as long as my health, finances, and pre-mommy-weight snap back is on my side, I’d produce an army to love. I’m all about love and nurture and making sure people know I love them, because I didn’t get that when I was younger.
I want to experience my baby in all methods that I experience everything else, deep and hard and engraved in my heart. This is my time to be greedy with my daughter before I have to share my corky obsession with other tiny human beings, along with a husband to love, a house to keep a home, and a career to flourish in. I’m taking this slow. I’ve been an aunt since I was 16, so babies are nothing new to me. But, MY baby, my daughter, motherhood, this is all a first for me – so I’m pretty comfy on cloud 9.
It’s the mommy and Arelis show. She’ll be the first person to have my entire heart; open, pure and welcoming to everything we’re going to learn from together. Society can take a chill pill. I’m going to do this mother thing, my way.
Gerilee Rosado
Latest posts by Gerilee Rosado (see all)
- There’s No Right Time (to Expand Your Family), Just Your Time - February 7, 2017