Today my hubs underwent a vasectomy, and I am faced with the realization that I will likely have no more babies (unless I leave him for a newer model, but probably not.) I thought I would feel sad about this. I thought it would make me re-evaluate my role as a woman, a wife, and, most of all, a mom. I thought that part of me would regret this decision we made together. Instead, I am happy!
We had one beautiful, amazing daughter for the longest time. We had always talked about having more than one child, but he wasn’t on board with trying again until our first daughter was 7. I had wanted another child for 4 years and every time I looked at a pregnant woman, I felt frustrated, and sad, and angry. Like I was missing out. Like our family wasn’t whole. I was resentful. It was a huge point of contention in our marriage. In fact, we almost split up over it. Finally, he decided he was ready and, apparently, when he puts his mind to something, things happen, because we immediately got pregnant (this actually happened with both of our children.) This changed everything and for the first time ever I felt our family was abundantly complete.
Our daughters are now 12 and 4, and I still feel exactly the same way. So, when a friend whose husband had a vasectomy told me she felt very sad about all the whole thing, I was on guard. I expected to feel some sort of unease that my baby-making days were over. Some sort of discord about never holding my own tiny baby in my arms ever again. But I don’t. I am elated about being mommy to our two wonderful girls. I have no desire to have any more children. I feel fully content, comfortable, relaxed, and excited about this next chapter of our marital journey.
I’m excited to share more intimate moments with my husband without worrying about our contraception failing. I’m happy that we don’t have to stop in the middle to put on a condom and that I don’t have to take The Pill, to which I have negative reactions. I am looking forward to “quickies” that we can sneak in during our limited time as Husband and Wife vs Mom and Dad. I’m happy that he and I can reconnect without a piece of latex infringing on our intimacy. I’m hoping that this new accessibility to an age-old marital act enhances our relationship as a couple and, in turn, makes our family a happier one.
So, no, I don’t feel sad, or angry, or upset. I feel like, together, we made an excellent decision for our family. Our perfect family of four whom I love so very much.
Previously published on Mommyopoly.